I’m more of a femme fatality rather than a femme fatale. I’ve never been good at flirting. In fact, I don’t have a clue about how to flirt. I’ve been attracted to guys but I’m not secure in making the first move. It’s not that I feel unattractive, it’s just that I lack confidence in making the first move. Yet, I’m not shy at all, normally. I love meeting new people and I’m hardly ever at a loss for conversation. I’m good at small talk but I much prefer deep conversations as I find humans fascinating creatures to study and love learning about them. Even as a young child I loved having conversations with adults and my relatives say I was able to hold my own in a conversation from a very young age.
I can also often be clueless when a guy is flirting with me. I once accepted a lift after a party from an acquaintance that I’d had gotten to know a little more about that night. No flirting occurred as far as I had fathomed. When we arrived at my destination I wondered why I had become restricted in movement in exiting his car and realised he was holding onto the sash I was wearing as a belt (it was the 80’s and I was a fashion victim of the times). I asked him why he was doing this. He responded “never mind” and let go. It wasn’t till over an hour later whilst reading in bed that the penny dropped. That’s how clueless I can be. Damn, that was a move and I hadn’t realised. Double damn as I did fancy him too.
My friendliness often led those of the male persuasion, and on the odd occasion females, to misconstrue that my interest was more than it was. I’d often go see live bands and there were a couple of band members I’d become friends with. One night after watching a particular band a band member dropped me off at home and I invited him in for a coffee, as we were in the middle of a debate and I was interested in continuing the conversation. I’d not long moved into this apartment that I shared with a friend of a friend who had a fascination for skulls. There were animal skulls everywhere and various paintings depicting human skulls. Most of his collection adorned the living room and I’d not contributed any personal trappings of my taste. The band guy accepted my invitation for a coffee but after only a couple of minutes looking around the living room he made a statement that he really fancied me but he felt out of his depth and needed to leave. I thought this odd and pondered his comment after he departed. Then it hit me that I hadn’t told him I didn’t live alone. I hadn’t had a chance to. I laughed to myself as I looked around and realised he must have thought the decor was my own personal taste. The guy was only going to get a coffee from me yet I must admit I admired him for having some standards.
I attended a play years ago that had well known Australian actors and one of these actors was the narrator who would address the audience. I was seated in the second row with a couple of girlfriends and they both whispered to me that he seemed to constantly be looking directly at me when he spoke. I noticed this too but didn’t think too much about it as I continued to enjoy the play. After the performance, we went to a nearby hotel/restaurant for coffee. Once we decided to leave my girlfriends went to the bathroom. As I didn’t need to go I decided to wait in an adjoining room to admire portraits adorning the walls. My girlfriends were taking their time and as I passed a table while walking to the other side of the room I noticed and locked eyes with the very actor who’d played the narrator sitting at that table. He smiled up at me and said hello. I was so surprised at this sudden turn of events that when I opened my mouth to comment on how much I enjoyed the play and his performance all that came out of my mouth was a squeak. I saw my friends returning from the bathroom and quickly departed wordlessly, heading towards them before I could further embarrass myself with my lack of composure. I told them we needed to leave immediately and I’d explain later. I don’t know if he was trying to pick me up. I only know that this time it was I who felt out of my depth.
I’d say being a femme fatality hasn’t been too much of a problem in my life. I don’t feel like I’ve missed out on much as looking back it’s boded well for me. My cluelessness on being hit on has saved me the need to reject a fair amount of suitors verbally and I have got the picture enough times to have enjoyed a satisfying love life.